Post by Xion Zeros on Nov 28, 2012 1:33:49 GMT -5
CM Punk is sitting down at a makeshift desk backstage, smiling from ear to ear. He applauds sarcastically before looking towards the camera.
CM Punk: Bravo, bravo, GZWA shitheads... Thank you for another snoozefest for the last few weeks going into Final Encounter. On one hand, it was pretty entertaining to see Genesis cross-dressing into the man he WISH he was. Brandon, don’t get mad at me that God forgot to install any plumbing downstairs for you. You and Maryse have a lot more in common than you know - that goes for the rest of the GZWA roster as well. At the end of the day, GZWA is a company full of lazy people...
You fans at home are no different. You sit at home behind the safety of your computer monitors, complaining about how much you can’t stomach this garbage and low and behold, you’re the first one to tune in each and every week. Each and every one of you disgust me. You’re not part of the solution. Instead, you’re contributing to this company’s laziness.
Ask yourselves these questions...
Who are the Lesbian Legion of Doom-referring to themselves as the MisFits? Why should I or anyone for that matter care that Cheeka beat up poor little Mariah while on her period? What have they done to matter or make me a believer in their cause other than give off the impression that it’s universally THAT time of the month in that close knit circle?
Why should I give two fucks about Kim Kardashian making nice with the rest of the cast of Girlfriends? Well, unless that leads into something kinky, but I’m sure we’re going to get that from the MisFits whether we want to see that or not...
Why is AJ Styles and Genesis becoming intimate partners the top of the news after Primetime?
Lacey can make some bipolar remarks on Twitter, yet can’t find the means to make herself relevant without attaching herself to Jimmy Jacobs’ crotch. How about you do what Lil’ Jimmy did here in GZWA. You know, get lost...
How the mighty have fallen... What happened to those Fallen guys? Oh wait, one of them are on the Primetime match card. Sup Holmes! Bore-ton is still eating Justice’s lemon snow cones while Juggs herself is abusing her so-called power to make up for the lack of Xion in her bed. For the love of God, woman, just buy a vibrator and move on... And what about Mr. Ziggles? OH! That’s right... Nobody cares.
Then we have Mike Bradley... Yeah, moving on...
What happened to o’so grand impact that the Brooks siblings were going to have on GZWA? Spoiler alert! They are in cahoots with the one of many masked men running around backstage that everyone keeps forgetting about... Exactly how many of those losers are in this company? Shark Girl -- BTW totally awesome time after the show, Daffney, Masked Guy #1, Masked Guy #2, and Curryman, err Daniels. Oh wait, he gave his mask to Tina to wear. Heaven forbid the horror if he ever took that paper bag off during sex with her...
Red She-Hulk and Mini-Trish won’t ever stop fighting over those tickets in the front row at the Justin Beiber concert. When is the madness going to end? And haven’t we seen this before? Oh wait, we have, but here’s the difference - Gail Kim and Awesome Kong made it look better, ladies.
No one seems to wonder why AJ Styles was the first one to come to Mei Long’s defense about her rather ‘X-rated’ past? Here’s a hint, he already got a few spreads privately delivered in exchange for Styles’ hidden dragon...
Poor little April Jeanette Lee... can she truly be saved? She just attaches herself to anything to make herself relevant. First me, Bryan, then she REALLY lowered her standards and settled for Cena... Then Cody Rhodes while he was cosplaying as The Joker - which leads us to her current flavor of the month - Lisey. And it’s only a matter of time before Lisey sets her off by saying that C word. You guys know which one... Cookie? Isn’t that it?
(In a whiny mark voice) But Punk, isn’t Maddoxxx lazy for aligning himself with you?
No, and lemme tell you why. He didn't come to me to help improve his career. Hell, it wasn't even his idea in the least. The real story is that I was in the middle of having my lawyers going over that piece of shit that Xion Zeros calls a contract while I watched archived footage of what some of the guys on the roster could do.
Enter the Parental Warning - a dude from my own backyard, who can go with the best of ‘em, but he never got that opportunity to truly shine like the star this business needs. Fortunately for me, he just got blown off by Xion earlier that week on his return concept and was going to be sent back to development for ‘repackaging’. Of course, we know what that means. Three months later, he would be dancing around with a pair of pterodactyls, asking you guys to call his momma or he would debut as Xion’s illegitimate son after another bizarre paternity test.
That’s when I decided to draw up my own contract for joining GZWA. I would join this company not as a wrestler but as it’s savior. I would grant my blessing to those that would be deemed worthy of my gifts for this company could thrive for generations to come.
I don’t need to step into the ring to prove my worth to anyone on this roster - whether it be male nor female. My greatest weapon in this company is my voice. When I speak, I unleash piercing blows of TRUTH.
That is how I differ myself from the rest of the GZWA roster, I don’t do things just because Xion, Justice, Serena, Mariah, nor whoever the fuck else thinks that they are in charge - and that goes especially for you, Brandon. I operate on CM Punk’s time. Brandon, given your shady past and fast lifestyle, you love living with danger. You’re a braver man than me to touch anything on Maryse’s body without proper protection, but that’s a story for another day I suppose. By challenging me, you want to swing a stick at the hornet’s nest and have the gall to ask for a match against the Best in the World?”
CM Punk takes a moment to laugh before continuing.
“All jokes aside, apparently you’re actually serious about this. I want to give you more than enough time to think about the mistake you have made my dear friend. The Best in the World will make an ONE-TIME ONLY exception and will lace up the boots for this one moment in time to eliminate all shadows of a doubt of my legacy in this business. At GZWA’s three year anniversary, Slammiversary 2013, mark CM Punk vs. Genesis on your calendars.
Oh the ancient scholars will be wrong on New Year’s about the end of the world coming, but I shall predict - no, foretell the definite future for GZWA after this match. This night will end this era of lazy people in GZWA - no more slackers, no more Superstars and Divas waiting for a free ride to the top, and the end of the non-believers of my cause. Tragedy will strike GZWA, but in this case, Brandon, there will be no one to mourn your loss.
Until then, stay ‘frosty’ Brandon, ‘cause when that bell rings at Slammiversary, IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME!!”
CM Punk makes a cheesy grin and points to the camera as the scene fades to black, leaving the GZWA Nation to sizzle in thought on Punk's powerful words of truth as the Best in the World has accepted Genesis' challenge - on his own terms.
CM Punk: Bravo, bravo, GZWA shitheads... Thank you for another snoozefest for the last few weeks going into Final Encounter. On one hand, it was pretty entertaining to see Genesis cross-dressing into the man he WISH he was. Brandon, don’t get mad at me that God forgot to install any plumbing downstairs for you. You and Maryse have a lot more in common than you know - that goes for the rest of the GZWA roster as well. At the end of the day, GZWA is a company full of lazy people...
You fans at home are no different. You sit at home behind the safety of your computer monitors, complaining about how much you can’t stomach this garbage and low and behold, you’re the first one to tune in each and every week. Each and every one of you disgust me. You’re not part of the solution. Instead, you’re contributing to this company’s laziness.
Ask yourselves these questions...
Who are the Lesbian Legion of Doom-referring to themselves as the MisFits? Why should I or anyone for that matter care that Cheeka beat up poor little Mariah while on her period? What have they done to matter or make me a believer in their cause other than give off the impression that it’s universally THAT time of the month in that close knit circle?
Why should I give two fucks about Kim Kardashian making nice with the rest of the cast of Girlfriends? Well, unless that leads into something kinky, but I’m sure we’re going to get that from the MisFits whether we want to see that or not...
Why is AJ Styles and Genesis becoming intimate partners the top of the news after Primetime?
Lacey can make some bipolar remarks on Twitter, yet can’t find the means to make herself relevant without attaching herself to Jimmy Jacobs’ crotch. How about you do what Lil’ Jimmy did here in GZWA. You know, get lost...
How the mighty have fallen... What happened to those Fallen guys? Oh wait, one of them are on the Primetime match card. Sup Holmes! Bore-ton is still eating Justice’s lemon snow cones while Juggs herself is abusing her so-called power to make up for the lack of Xion in her bed. For the love of God, woman, just buy a vibrator and move on... And what about Mr. Ziggles? OH! That’s right... Nobody cares.
Then we have Mike Bradley... Yeah, moving on...
What happened to o’so grand impact that the Brooks siblings were going to have on GZWA? Spoiler alert! They are in cahoots with the one of many masked men running around backstage that everyone keeps forgetting about... Exactly how many of those losers are in this company? Shark Girl -- BTW totally awesome time after the show, Daffney, Masked Guy #1, Masked Guy #2, and Curryman, err Daniels. Oh wait, he gave his mask to Tina to wear. Heaven forbid the horror if he ever took that paper bag off during sex with her...
Red She-Hulk and Mini-Trish won’t ever stop fighting over those tickets in the front row at the Justin Beiber concert. When is the madness going to end? And haven’t we seen this before? Oh wait, we have, but here’s the difference - Gail Kim and Awesome Kong made it look better, ladies.
No one seems to wonder why AJ Styles was the first one to come to Mei Long’s defense about her rather ‘X-rated’ past? Here’s a hint, he already got a few spreads privately delivered in exchange for Styles’ hidden dragon...
Poor little April Jeanette Lee... can she truly be saved? She just attaches herself to anything to make herself relevant. First me, Bryan, then she REALLY lowered her standards and settled for Cena... Then Cody Rhodes while he was cosplaying as The Joker - which leads us to her current flavor of the month - Lisey. And it’s only a matter of time before Lisey sets her off by saying that C word. You guys know which one... Cookie? Isn’t that it?
(In a whiny mark voice) But Punk, isn’t Maddoxxx lazy for aligning himself with you?
No, and lemme tell you why. He didn't come to me to help improve his career. Hell, it wasn't even his idea in the least. The real story is that I was in the middle of having my lawyers going over that piece of shit that Xion Zeros calls a contract while I watched archived footage of what some of the guys on the roster could do.
Enter the Parental Warning - a dude from my own backyard, who can go with the best of ‘em, but he never got that opportunity to truly shine like the star this business needs. Fortunately for me, he just got blown off by Xion earlier that week on his return concept and was going to be sent back to development for ‘repackaging’. Of course, we know what that means. Three months later, he would be dancing around with a pair of pterodactyls, asking you guys to call his momma or he would debut as Xion’s illegitimate son after another bizarre paternity test.
That’s when I decided to draw up my own contract for joining GZWA. I would join this company not as a wrestler but as it’s savior. I would grant my blessing to those that would be deemed worthy of my gifts for this company could thrive for generations to come.
I don’t need to step into the ring to prove my worth to anyone on this roster - whether it be male nor female. My greatest weapon in this company is my voice. When I speak, I unleash piercing blows of TRUTH.
That is how I differ myself from the rest of the GZWA roster, I don’t do things just because Xion, Justice, Serena, Mariah, nor whoever the fuck else thinks that they are in charge - and that goes especially for you, Brandon. I operate on CM Punk’s time. Brandon, given your shady past and fast lifestyle, you love living with danger. You’re a braver man than me to touch anything on Maryse’s body without proper protection, but that’s a story for another day I suppose. By challenging me, you want to swing a stick at the hornet’s nest and have the gall to ask for a match against the Best in the World?”
CM Punk takes a moment to laugh before continuing.
“All jokes aside, apparently you’re actually serious about this. I want to give you more than enough time to think about the mistake you have made my dear friend. The Best in the World will make an ONE-TIME ONLY exception and will lace up the boots for this one moment in time to eliminate all shadows of a doubt of my legacy in this business. At GZWA’s three year anniversary, Slammiversary 2013, mark CM Punk vs. Genesis on your calendars.
Oh the ancient scholars will be wrong on New Year’s about the end of the world coming, but I shall predict - no, foretell the definite future for GZWA after this match. This night will end this era of lazy people in GZWA - no more slackers, no more Superstars and Divas waiting for a free ride to the top, and the end of the non-believers of my cause. Tragedy will strike GZWA, but in this case, Brandon, there will be no one to mourn your loss.
Until then, stay ‘frosty’ Brandon, ‘cause when that bell rings at Slammiversary, IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME!!”
CM Punk makes a cheesy grin and points to the camera as the scene fades to black, leaving the GZWA Nation to sizzle in thought on Punk's powerful words of truth as the Best in the World has accepted Genesis' challenge - on his own terms.
