Post by Xion Zeros on Jan 3, 2015 4:39:34 GMT -5
6:35AM…
I wake up staring at the ceiling.
I hate having nothing to do. I keep myself busy for this won’t happen. When I have nothing to do, my mind drifts and I think about things I shouldn’t… I glance over back at the clock before throwing the sheets back over my head as I bury my face back into the depths of my pillows.
My mind is still drifting over the past year that has come and gone. I have lost some friends, made new ones, and bonded with older friends on a new level… I’ve been hurt… I’ve been loved… and as always I have given my love to all of those dearest to me in life. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster from the start to end of 2014…
Among all of those conflicting emotions, it hits me like a freight train - doubt.
At Dead or Alive, I’m one of two challengers for Raven’s coveted Vixen Championship. I haven’t held singles gold for about five years now. It’s been a long time since I have been this close again. Not since I was at the apex of my career when both Lise Starr and Karen Beth Zurich pushed me to my limits and beyond.
This time things are different. Despite everything between us back then, Lise, KBZ, and I respected each other. We wanted the best out of each other. Raven is a different type of foe. We absolutely loathe each other. Truth be told, I created that monster - I helped train her while she was part of ZXWWF’s developmental program. She grew into her own entity over the years and expanded onto what I taught her and then some. This isn’t our first rodeo. To be quite frank, we know each other inside and out from how many times we have butted heads over the years. I have to… no I MUST beat her tonight. She sits on top of her throne as tyrant over this women’s division as long as she holds that title. I spoke out a few months prior as an advocate of change in GZWA, hoping to motivate the women of GZWA for the future of this division. As long as Raven remains champion, that title will be nothing more than a prop to continue feeding that overly inflated ego of hers.
I want to bring honor back to that title as symbol of competition in hopes that the best female wrestlers in the world would want to compete in GZWA to obtain it. I can’t change anything while on the sidelines or from my couch at home. The greatest gift that I was given last year was the opportunity to act as an active member of the roster by Serena Dent. Serena could have left me to rot away in a boring desk job for the rest of my life, but no. She believes in me like the rest of my friends, the Queen Bees do.
Morgan Davis reminded me to forget about my shortcomings and actually do something for myself for once. She said the the world would forgive me if I do this one selfish thing and win this match for me - remove all doubt that I haven’t lost my touch. I wonder what emotions would be going through her head if she was in this position, but at the same time, I would support her the same if it was her. She gave me that reality check that I desperately needed.
Tia Brooks is the only one of the Queen Bees who has held championship gold in GZWA. She knows how it feels to be champion. She knows how that power and responsibility can corrupt a person as she became an arrogant diva like Raven when she held it. She has complete confidence that I have the strength of character not to allow that title ruin the type of person I am. I’m glad she has that much faith, because I honestly don’t have that much faith in myself.
Obviously, my own sisters don’t even have faith in me as they are standing at odds against me. Maybe they have good reason to stand against me instead of with me. Amber has aligned herself with Raven as her partner-in-crime while Amanda is confident that her companion, Laura Jackson - or whatever the hell their relationship is -- will walk away the champion. Everyone keeps saying that Laura is going to be physically drained from competing in the TLC Tornado Tag Triple Threat, but who says that she’s hasn’t prepared for this situation and comes mentally and physically prepared to win BOTH titles? I shudder at the thought of the MisFits with that much power in this company.
Desperate people do desperate things when they are backed against a wall. Raven has proved time and time again that her bag of tricks are endless. We haven’t seen what Laura Jackson is capable of in a championship setting. Plus let’s not forget that both The Clique and MisFits may get involved. If Final Encounter’s Triple Threat for the Television Championship was any indicator of the pending chaos, then I know this is going to be ugly.
I could lay here all morning and review how the odds aren’t in my favor and how the planets aren’t aligned for me to win tonight, but I think I have a game plan for tonight. For my first match of 2015, I’m not going out there as the Showstoppin’ Senorita. As a tribute of all of my trials by fire over the past year, I want to rise again from the ashes and introduce the GZWA Nation to the might of the Phoenix Queen.
2015 is a new year and it’s the end of my self-doubt. I’m a great friend and an even better wrestler. It’s past due that I remind the rest of the wrestling world of that. Nothing won’t stand in my way. I shall make believers out of non-believers and show the world why men and women aspire to be trained by me. I may be a relic in a realm of younger athletes, but I’m not ready to away. Not yet… My armor may crack, my shield may fail me, and sword may break, but spirit will allow me to rise again and again. I won’t show weakness in thought of possible failure.
I WILL NOT fail.
I WILL rise… Rise back to the top of the Vixen division - right where I belong.
With those words, I threw the blankets from over my head and sat up in bed to watch the sun emerge from the horizon. A new day has dawned and I’m trembling with excitement to embrace this person I haven’t seen in what feels like a lifetime - a confident me.
I wake up staring at the ceiling.
I hate having nothing to do. I keep myself busy for this won’t happen. When I have nothing to do, my mind drifts and I think about things I shouldn’t… I glance over back at the clock before throwing the sheets back over my head as I bury my face back into the depths of my pillows.
My mind is still drifting over the past year that has come and gone. I have lost some friends, made new ones, and bonded with older friends on a new level… I’ve been hurt… I’ve been loved… and as always I have given my love to all of those dearest to me in life. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster from the start to end of 2014…
Among all of those conflicting emotions, it hits me like a freight train - doubt.
At Dead or Alive, I’m one of two challengers for Raven’s coveted Vixen Championship. I haven’t held singles gold for about five years now. It’s been a long time since I have been this close again. Not since I was at the apex of my career when both Lise Starr and Karen Beth Zurich pushed me to my limits and beyond.
This time things are different. Despite everything between us back then, Lise, KBZ, and I respected each other. We wanted the best out of each other. Raven is a different type of foe. We absolutely loathe each other. Truth be told, I created that monster - I helped train her while she was part of ZXWWF’s developmental program. She grew into her own entity over the years and expanded onto what I taught her and then some. This isn’t our first rodeo. To be quite frank, we know each other inside and out from how many times we have butted heads over the years. I have to… no I MUST beat her tonight. She sits on top of her throne as tyrant over this women’s division as long as she holds that title. I spoke out a few months prior as an advocate of change in GZWA, hoping to motivate the women of GZWA for the future of this division. As long as Raven remains champion, that title will be nothing more than a prop to continue feeding that overly inflated ego of hers.
I want to bring honor back to that title as symbol of competition in hopes that the best female wrestlers in the world would want to compete in GZWA to obtain it. I can’t change anything while on the sidelines or from my couch at home. The greatest gift that I was given last year was the opportunity to act as an active member of the roster by Serena Dent. Serena could have left me to rot away in a boring desk job for the rest of my life, but no. She believes in me like the rest of my friends, the Queen Bees do.
Morgan Davis reminded me to forget about my shortcomings and actually do something for myself for once. She said the the world would forgive me if I do this one selfish thing and win this match for me - remove all doubt that I haven’t lost my touch. I wonder what emotions would be going through her head if she was in this position, but at the same time, I would support her the same if it was her. She gave me that reality check that I desperately needed.
Tia Brooks is the only one of the Queen Bees who has held championship gold in GZWA. She knows how it feels to be champion. She knows how that power and responsibility can corrupt a person as she became an arrogant diva like Raven when she held it. She has complete confidence that I have the strength of character not to allow that title ruin the type of person I am. I’m glad she has that much faith, because I honestly don’t have that much faith in myself.
Obviously, my own sisters don’t even have faith in me as they are standing at odds against me. Maybe they have good reason to stand against me instead of with me. Amber has aligned herself with Raven as her partner-in-crime while Amanda is confident that her companion, Laura Jackson - or whatever the hell their relationship is -- will walk away the champion. Everyone keeps saying that Laura is going to be physically drained from competing in the TLC Tornado Tag Triple Threat, but who says that she’s hasn’t prepared for this situation and comes mentally and physically prepared to win BOTH titles? I shudder at the thought of the MisFits with that much power in this company.
Desperate people do desperate things when they are backed against a wall. Raven has proved time and time again that her bag of tricks are endless. We haven’t seen what Laura Jackson is capable of in a championship setting. Plus let’s not forget that both The Clique and MisFits may get involved. If Final Encounter’s Triple Threat for the Television Championship was any indicator of the pending chaos, then I know this is going to be ugly.
I could lay here all morning and review how the odds aren’t in my favor and how the planets aren’t aligned for me to win tonight, but I think I have a game plan for tonight. For my first match of 2015, I’m not going out there as the Showstoppin’ Senorita. As a tribute of all of my trials by fire over the past year, I want to rise again from the ashes and introduce the GZWA Nation to the might of the Phoenix Queen.
2015 is a new year and it’s the end of my self-doubt. I’m a great friend and an even better wrestler. It’s past due that I remind the rest of the wrestling world of that. Nothing won’t stand in my way. I shall make believers out of non-believers and show the world why men and women aspire to be trained by me. I may be a relic in a realm of younger athletes, but I’m not ready to away. Not yet… My armor may crack, my shield may fail me, and sword may break, but spirit will allow me to rise again and again. I won’t show weakness in thought of possible failure.
I WILL NOT fail.
I WILL rise… Rise back to the top of the Vixen division - right where I belong.
With those words, I threw the blankets from over my head and sat up in bed to watch the sun emerge from the horizon. A new day has dawned and I’m trembling with excitement to embrace this person I haven’t seen in what feels like a lifetime - a confident me.
