Post by Samuel on Aug 9, 2017 2:25:30 GMT -5
So I've been writing and rewriting this update for a long time and just never had the courage to share until now. Now let me start with I'm in a much better place right now so when you are done reading if you read it in its entirety we have reason to celebrate together.
So those of you that have known me since the ZXWWF days may recall when the "tea was spilt" about me sometimes getting really depressed and the way it came about may not have been what I wanted but it was out there for the world. I've always been able to pull it together because my job is of the utmost importance to me both in real life and here in the fed. I always chose to bury myself with these things to keep my mind occupied when I hit a low point. While it is encouraged to seek help in the military and that is the message I preach I am a private person and enjoy my security clearance very much LOL so I choose to work out my issues myself. This time however I needed to step away from the fed because I had to devote all my effort to keeping it together at work because all my focus shifted to protecting my Soldiers from what I perceive as toxic leadership. I still had the obligation to train and mentor them while keeping things professional. I also prepare myself for what I personally feel is inevitable with our current president that I will deploy for a fourth time in the near future. If called I will go once again to serve my nation and do the best job I can.
On top of dealing with that as many of you know I was going to the field a lot (I'm in the Army for those that don't know) with pinched nerves in my spinal cord. I'm too close to retirement to complain to loudly so I deal with the pain and push forward because I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things got to be too much so I participated when I could in the fed but cut out Twitter completely. Then I had some financial issues pop up that have been dealt with but cutbacks needed to be made which included internet service when Time Warner wanted $187 dollars for just internet alone and I wasn't having that. It's hard to do all the stuff that I do with my characters on a phone so I got on when I could.
It's funny that Athena's post was like I had written my thoughts down because I felt like a shitty champion when a championship run is something I have always wanted to earn. I mean seriously I'm like a real life Bayley when it comes to winning a championship but more on that a little later. I felt like Konrad was doing all the heavy lifting and carrying the team and as much as I love Maryse I simply couldn't do anything with her at all. I expressed this to Xion on FB and it frustrated me to no end. You all also know I like to fix the things I can on the boards so he doesn't have to worry about that stuff because he works so hard for us and every little bit helps to keep him from getting burnt out. He really cares about us and this fed and I've seen him let down so many times over the years that I never want to do that to him ever.
So speaking of the fed, I fully support the hybrid fed for several reasons and not just because Xion is the boss LOL. I have played Ivory and Maryse for many years and I like to think of myself as a good representation of them but with that comes a box. You can only go so far and stay true to the character and lately I felt like I have done all I can with Maryse at the moment. For a long while I couldn't get someone to stick out a full blown feud with her and therefore I felt it never really made her a championship contender. Now if you think Sam winning the title is huge please understand that to play a championship as Maryse would be like the best thing ever haha. Women's wrestling is a big thing to me, probably because I champion women's rights and equality in the Army as much as I can. I'm the guy that loves to see a women in power, a women as a lead in a movie holding her own etc. I also despise when I see a woman throw that away to rely on a stereotype to get out of something. I like to think of myself as a champion of that because I remember being part of the change in Army culture with regards to us going from legal clerks to paralegal specialists which is a big deal to me. I am always fighting to show everyone my worth and the worth of those around me.
I do what I can to help those that are serving in the military that are different if you catch my drift. I've always believed that your sexuality is a part of you but it does not define you. I could care less what you were born with, who you sleep with or love as long as you can shoot, move & communicate when I need you to. Over the years I've been able to help with that and it makes me feel great when I get notes from people I've impacted over the years saying thank you and telling me how far they've advanced in their careers whether they stayed in uniform or got out of the service. So I say all that to say I hold any championship a woman can hold in very high regard. I don't think Athena is a bad champion at all I felt like she read my thoughts and put them into writing but none of it applied to her. I applaud the things she's done. I was actually hoping that we'd stop calling the ladies Vixen's but it wasn't a topic at the "staff meeting". My focus was then and is now finding us a graphics artist that won't become a child and quit when they don't get their way or if they do leave they don't pull their graphics *insert eye roll* & garnering publicity for the fed.
People give Amanda crap for her Twitter but I told Xion one night that it is a business model that I wanted to craft to my own desires and uses to get people to notice us more and guess what when I posted a picture of Maryse in something sexy with a link to something in the fed the views and visitors went up considerably. So I used that as an inspiration. I also get inspiration from your writing especially when I'm match writing. The way you all play your characters that aren't placed in a box moves me. It's a freedom I get with Akasha, I've learned to love Sam more than I used to because it's so hard to play a face all the time but I still get freedom. The freedom of a hybrid fed appeals to me because it gives me power, control but most importantly when you've done this as long as I have it's nice to still feel like you are growing as a roleplayer. I love playing a good villain or tweener because it is the ultimate freedom in my opinion. Maybe it's because I put so many controls in my life when it comes to my job and how others see me that deep down I want that freedom for myself but that just isn't compatible with where I want to go and what I want to do in life. I've had a very successful 16 yrs & 7 months in the Army and I have to finish strong so I am very controlled with self inflicted rules LOL.
But I've rambled enough in my chaotic good way (closet nerd reference). I'm back in good head space, things are going well for me and I have my own internet again haha. I love all of you because you are my family and with you I am never alone. I'm back and better than ever, I'm always here to listen or provide advice if you want. So with that I am going to retire Maryse (huge deal for me) I don't want a long drawn out thing or some big segment at the PPV to close it out but I would like one final dancing partner to close out with. Let me know if you are interested. A huge thank you to everyone for all the support you have always shown me and especially my Tag Team partner Konrad!
So those of you that have known me since the ZXWWF days may recall when the "tea was spilt" about me sometimes getting really depressed and the way it came about may not have been what I wanted but it was out there for the world. I've always been able to pull it together because my job is of the utmost importance to me both in real life and here in the fed. I always chose to bury myself with these things to keep my mind occupied when I hit a low point. While it is encouraged to seek help in the military and that is the message I preach I am a private person and enjoy my security clearance very much LOL so I choose to work out my issues myself. This time however I needed to step away from the fed because I had to devote all my effort to keeping it together at work because all my focus shifted to protecting my Soldiers from what I perceive as toxic leadership. I still had the obligation to train and mentor them while keeping things professional. I also prepare myself for what I personally feel is inevitable with our current president that I will deploy for a fourth time in the near future. If called I will go once again to serve my nation and do the best job I can.
On top of dealing with that as many of you know I was going to the field a lot (I'm in the Army for those that don't know) with pinched nerves in my spinal cord. I'm too close to retirement to complain to loudly so I deal with the pain and push forward because I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things got to be too much so I participated when I could in the fed but cut out Twitter completely. Then I had some financial issues pop up that have been dealt with but cutbacks needed to be made which included internet service when Time Warner wanted $187 dollars for just internet alone and I wasn't having that. It's hard to do all the stuff that I do with my characters on a phone so I got on when I could.
It's funny that Athena's post was like I had written my thoughts down because I felt like a shitty champion when a championship run is something I have always wanted to earn. I mean seriously I'm like a real life Bayley when it comes to winning a championship but more on that a little later. I felt like Konrad was doing all the heavy lifting and carrying the team and as much as I love Maryse I simply couldn't do anything with her at all. I expressed this to Xion on FB and it frustrated me to no end. You all also know I like to fix the things I can on the boards so he doesn't have to worry about that stuff because he works so hard for us and every little bit helps to keep him from getting burnt out. He really cares about us and this fed and I've seen him let down so many times over the years that I never want to do that to him ever.
So speaking of the fed, I fully support the hybrid fed for several reasons and not just because Xion is the boss LOL. I have played Ivory and Maryse for many years and I like to think of myself as a good representation of them but with that comes a box. You can only go so far and stay true to the character and lately I felt like I have done all I can with Maryse at the moment. For a long while I couldn't get someone to stick out a full blown feud with her and therefore I felt it never really made her a championship contender. Now if you think Sam winning the title is huge please understand that to play a championship as Maryse would be like the best thing ever haha. Women's wrestling is a big thing to me, probably because I champion women's rights and equality in the Army as much as I can. I'm the guy that loves to see a women in power, a women as a lead in a movie holding her own etc. I also despise when I see a woman throw that away to rely on a stereotype to get out of something. I like to think of myself as a champion of that because I remember being part of the change in Army culture with regards to us going from legal clerks to paralegal specialists which is a big deal to me. I am always fighting to show everyone my worth and the worth of those around me.
I do what I can to help those that are serving in the military that are different if you catch my drift. I've always believed that your sexuality is a part of you but it does not define you. I could care less what you were born with, who you sleep with or love as long as you can shoot, move & communicate when I need you to. Over the years I've been able to help with that and it makes me feel great when I get notes from people I've impacted over the years saying thank you and telling me how far they've advanced in their careers whether they stayed in uniform or got out of the service. So I say all that to say I hold any championship a woman can hold in very high regard. I don't think Athena is a bad champion at all I felt like she read my thoughts and put them into writing but none of it applied to her. I applaud the things she's done. I was actually hoping that we'd stop calling the ladies Vixen's but it wasn't a topic at the "staff meeting". My focus was then and is now finding us a graphics artist that won't become a child and quit when they don't get their way or if they do leave they don't pull their graphics *insert eye roll* & garnering publicity for the fed.
People give Amanda crap for her Twitter but I told Xion one night that it is a business model that I wanted to craft to my own desires and uses to get people to notice us more and guess what when I posted a picture of Maryse in something sexy with a link to something in the fed the views and visitors went up considerably. So I used that as an inspiration. I also get inspiration from your writing especially when I'm match writing. The way you all play your characters that aren't placed in a box moves me. It's a freedom I get with Akasha, I've learned to love Sam more than I used to because it's so hard to play a face all the time but I still get freedom. The freedom of a hybrid fed appeals to me because it gives me power, control but most importantly when you've done this as long as I have it's nice to still feel like you are growing as a roleplayer. I love playing a good villain or tweener because it is the ultimate freedom in my opinion. Maybe it's because I put so many controls in my life when it comes to my job and how others see me that deep down I want that freedom for myself but that just isn't compatible with where I want to go and what I want to do in life. I've had a very successful 16 yrs & 7 months in the Army and I have to finish strong so I am very controlled with self inflicted rules LOL.
But I've rambled enough in my chaotic good way (closet nerd reference). I'm back in good head space, things are going well for me and I have my own internet again haha. I love all of you because you are my family and with you I am never alone. I'm back and better than ever, I'm always here to listen or provide advice if you want. So with that I am going to retire Maryse (huge deal for me) I don't want a long drawn out thing or some big segment at the PPV to close it out but I would like one final dancing partner to close out with. Let me know if you are interested. A huge thank you to everyone for all the support you have always shown me and especially my Tag Team partner Konrad!
