Post by The Bradley Clan on Dec 16, 2017 23:50:44 GMT -5
The camera opens to a classroom decorated with posters about American history. Then it pans slowly down and to the right until we see “The Next Level” Mike Bradley, wearing a suit and Nike sneakers, leaning back in a chair reading a history textbook, with his feet kicked up on the desk. He looks up at the camera and slams the book shut.
“Hello, class! I'm your teacher, Mr. Bradley. Today’s lesson is about early American political parties. Between 1844 and 1860, there was a political party officially known as the American Party but colloquially known as the Know Nothing Party. They were a collection of anti-catholic, anti-immigrant American Nationalists who operated as a kind of secret society. When asked about their membership, they were instructed to say ‘I know nothing.’ Sounds a little like today’s political landscape, doesn't it? Yeah, I know, I wish it weren't so, but that's what the resistance is for.”
Mike takes his feet off the desk, crosses his arms and faces the camera.
“So what the hell does this have to do with wrestling? It just so happens that in The Bradley Clan’s quest to cleanse GZWA, yours truly has been given an opportunity to win a record-setting THIRD Television Championship in a tournament involving five opponents who, as far as I'm concerned, are another Know Nothing Party.”
“Now you’re probably thinking, ‘But Mr. Bradley, your opponents aren't anti-Catholic or anti-immigrant. Where are you going with this?’ Hang on, kids. Jingoism aside, let's talk about knowledge. Among all the competitors in this tournament, who knows the TV Title better than all of the rest combined? Who knows what it's like to be one of just two wrestlers to win the TV title twice? Who knows what it's like to hold the record for longest individual AND combined reigns as TV champ? That's right, it's ME, ‘The Next Level’ Mike Bradley!”
“What do these other five know?”
“Nothing.”
Absolutely nothing.
“For today’s lesson, let’s look at my semifinal opponents.”
Mike pulls down a projector screen, dims the lights and begins a slideshow.
“Here's Konrad Raab. If you've seen his Twitter, you know he's a stand-up guy in the wrestling world. Always looking out for the community. Definitely someone worthy of my or anybody’s respect.”
“That is… personal respect.”
“Because when it comes to success in GZWA, what does he know?”
“That’s right. Nothing.”
“So while he’s worthy of my personal respect, he still has something to prove in the ring, as far as I’m concerned.”
“Next slide…”
A picture of Equinox appears on the projector.
“Here we have the High Spot Hero, Equinox. A man who knows this business like the back of his hand. Bounces between feds putting on shows wherever he can. Plus, this guy has something that I can’t claim to have - a win over Chris Matthews. But let’s make one thing clear - I know this is a history class, but Equinox, don’t take any lessons from math class about the transitive property and think you’re gonna walk all over me because you beat Matthews and Matthews beat me. The difference is, I nearly died in that match, and now that I have a 100% clean bill of health, you can’t take shit for granted!”
“And in terms of accomplishments in GZWA, what do you know?”
“Say it with me now… nothing.”
“Oh, and seeing as these guys are partners in the Stardom Classic, maybe this won’t be the last time I’ll see these two in the near future… so even if one of you manages to get the pinfall on me, I’ll know what to expect later in Stardom!”
“Then again, who knows if this match will lead to a falling out between them? Like what happened between Heagerty and my boy Ryan Kendrick in your match with them in Round 1? I would love that. So whatever happens tonight, it’s just going to make our job a little easier down the road!”
“Now, as for the other side of the bracket, I'm going worry about them once I beat these two 'buddies' and see who I face… except there's one thing there that's got my knickers in a twist, so I just gotta get it off my chest.”
Mike flips to a slide of Amanda Cortez.
“Oh, Amanda, when will you ever learn? Sure, you may have won the TV title from me once, but even though you’ll never admit it, despite all the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you only won the title in a glorified 4-on-2 handicap match, coughed it back up in our rematch and were too chickenshit to invoke your rematch clause, because you know deep down in your heart that no matter how many failed attempts you make at mocking my weight, my sexuality, my gender identity, all these idiotic insults that have no basis in reality, it will never change the fact that you can never beat me 1-on-1, and it certainly will never change the fact that I have checkmated every single one of your pathetic verbal jabs at every turn! Whether it's in the ring, on the mic or on Twitter, what do you know about being on my level?”
“That’s right. Fucking. NOTHING! You can’t fucking touch me!”
Mike cringes at that thought. Then he pulls the projector up.
“Not that I would want you to touch me in the first place, because I'm happily married and disease free, and I intend to keep it that way.”
“So get on my level, boys and girls! Bring your youth and inexperience. I'll bring the knowledge. And I'll take all your asses to school. Because The Teacher is here, and class… is officially in session!”
And if you don't know… now you know!
Mike walks out of the classroom and turns off the lights, as the picture goes black.
