Post by senorvinnie on Sept 16, 2018 12:51:07 GMT -5
How to slay a deadman for dummies
Lesson number one
The shot opens in the living room of Senor Vinnie’s house, he is standing in a spotlight that is shining above his head by a lightbulb flickering. Next to Senor Vinnie is the infamous Michael Buffer, who starts to speak upon Senor Vinnie’s behalf after Senor Vinnie gives him a pat on the shoulder as signal to begin.
There’s no reason to slay someone who claims to be dead, why you may ask yourself?? Well it is quite obvious when someone dies that your body stiffens up and becomes cold. Ergo the reason of the saying that someone is as cold as a stiff.
Why would someone say that about another human being?? It is not very friendly now is it?? Well face facts folks, who cares about being nice these days. Nice guys finish last, well at least they still have a shot of beating a stiff in a hundred meter sprint off…, but before we drift off we go back to the question of why??
Good question, usually it is specified that a person that is called that way is not a warmhearted, kind, sensitive and above all good person. It is quite relevant when we look at the examples that are seen on a daily basis.
Example number one:
Vladimir Poetin:
Now I know what you are thinking, you obviously were expecting someone else who also is in charge. But we were unable to get a decent mug shot of the North Korean President that wouldn’t resemble as a pig. Whereas our beloved Poetin has become a role model of being a person with a vulture e type of mentality. As well as the resembled hairdo that would only make you come to a full term with that thought. But hold on, there’s more!!
Example number two:
Vladimir Poetin’s sister.
Now granted, nobody would have put here on his or hers top five list of most cold and non excentric personalities of the year 2018… or whatever year for that matters. But having to live around a man that has the personification of a mute who has been having a demon haunting his every part of his being even long before he was born… would make you prime subject on any of my lists… and we all know that Senor Vinnie knows his people.
But instead of going on for hours and hours of why Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Elmer Fudd and even the well renown party animal Puff Daddy, P diddy, Diddy, the artist formerly known as smoking diddy or whatever it is that he fancies to call himself…. We will move to the next subject of the list of many who fail to be as warmhearted as Senor Vinnie. As ell as being the prime subject of my verbal and soon to be physical onslaught that has got coming to him.
Example three:
The Doombringer
Suddenly we see Animal from the Muppets appear and use his raw voice to scream out loud
Animal: Duhh duhhh duhhh DUHHHHHHHHHHHH
Clearly a failed attempt to build suspense, hyping up a character that has the personification of a melted ice cube on a street corner in the middle of probably the most boring town ever New Hampshire.
Animal: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
We see three other muppets pulling on a chain to contain the drummer of the legendary tv show/movies that has warmed our hearts for many of decades that almost feels like centuries. But this all ends when the camera shifts towards the man of the hour, the containing excellence of power. The man that has given us a new meaning to the word perfection. And no, we are not talking about the longest reigning Television champion in this organization, because if you want to think a painted freak who is incapable of doing shit when he is in the ring with the real perfect champ, then be my guest.
No we are obviously talking about Senor Vinnie, the man that has not lost since joining this federation last year. Which means he is undefeated in 2017 and 18…, even if the record books proclaim that somehow a pipsqueak coward has caused a victory over him due to outside interference. But that’s not a loss that can be blamed upon the champ, oh no… the one that truly lost were the people. The many of those who spend their well earned money to root him on have fallen upon their knees and still cry to the heavens upon this day. And if you don’t believe us? Then you should check upon the following link: www.westillcrytothisverydayaboutthatloss.com/
Senor Vinnie: That is true, I watch every night before going to sleep
Indeed he does, thus making him the exceptional champion that has shown us simpletons (that means you human beings watching… dumbasses) how far above everyone else he stands in comparison to the rest of the filth of the locker room (except for the Cortez married couple of course.)
Senor Vinnie: Once more, that is so true.
Who can forget his valiant effort of beating every other superstar that entered the elimination match, knowing full well that they would lose to him. Who could forget the moment that he raised his title over his head and had to listen to the singing of many fans
Senor Vinnie: So nice, yet so off key. I was deaf for like three weeks after that.
It all comes down to this match, the world champion facing a man that used to wear this belt somehow. A man that his wrestling ability is not a match for the charisma of the champ, let alone his wrestling skills. The man that we love to adore as champ has to lower his standards for his first title match as apparently the dead have a vote in this world too. All I have to say about that is that it’s a deadly shame.
Senor Vinnie: You are absolutely right dear sir, but I will take it over from here.
Michael Buffer nods his head, putting his microphone to his lips once more to finish it up for him.
Michael Buffer: And now, for the few people in attendance, the millions watching at home…. Let’s get
Senor Vinnie: That’s okay Michael, you may leave now.
Michael Buffer is obviously programmed to do his infamous let’s get ready to rumble. Causing him to sweat bullets as he knows only one ending.
Michael Buffer: Let’s get ready….
Senor Vinnie: STOP IT!!!
Michael Buffer: To…..
Senor Vinnie: I have had enough of this…
Michael Buffer: Rumb….
Before Buffer could finish what he wanted to say he gets knocked out by Vinnie, who holds his hand in pain after knocking him out cold before turning his attention to the camera crew
Senor Vinnie: I get tired of these old relics, thinking that I allow them to catch whatever it is that they believe is a past prime time spotlight or something. Just like the moron that I will be facing this coming show. A man that I pinned at the last show, a man that should have been eliminated or something from the Elimination chamber. A man that will embarrass himself this coming show at my hands once again, that will embarrass himself by not being allowed to enter the PPV called dead or alive. Wasn’t that the final part of the title of a Bon Jovi song??
Trust me Doombringer, you are not wanted… neither alive or dead are you wanted by anyone. I gave you a chance at a dating program, yet the aura of your dark soul is so foul that even the depressed and loneliest of bitches would even try to hook up with you man. Perhaps you should stop using your usual perfume entitled: I know who you buried last summer into, I just crapped my pants after losing to Senor Vinnie once more. Because I’m sure to you that people will notice you. People would remember you for being the fool that got pinned two shows in a row by the realest of real champs.
Something that you are dying to gather isn’t it??
Senor Vinnie suddenly stops talking as he says these words once more and starts to think about what they are meaning
Senor Vinnie: Was it a coincidence that I just happen to use those words towards you? Or is it the mere fact that I am a multi tasked professional and that I can do it all?? Something that you always thought was only possible when someone would put you on fire inside the six feet grave that you dug for yourself right???
He scratches his head and sighs
Senor Vinnie: The last time we faced you mentioned that you would….. Err…, you said… uhmm…. Oh for fuck sakes, who watches any of your promo’s. You are such a deadly bore that even I wouldn’t let my children go anywhere near you.. that is if I had any. I mean seriously, I looked back and you once were a champion. YOU?
Seriously?? Were you alive back then when that happened? Or are you shocked as well about that whole feat that you have mental issues to this very day to grasp that notion???
Well after having those unbelievable thoughts that depressed me, I quickly came to a conclusion that made me smile dearly. Because just like your wrestling career and the follow up of every superstar that has held the championship belt after you. That you and the people share a common bond.
He puts on his million dollar smile in front of his camera as he puts the championship belt in the face of the camera crew.
Senor Vinnie: You see, after having you as champion the crowd were presented by the opportunity that they would only look up after every title chance after your mediocre run. That they would come closer by every title change to a breath of fresh air and look forward to the man that would bring them peace and balance in the galaxy.
And you may think to yourself that how the crowd could possibly be compared to YOU in every way?? And I had to think deep, perhaps for a few moments and then I had the answer already inside my brain.
Because stiffs can only look up after being put inside their casket…, granted the outcome of their (cough)future(cough) does not look as bright as that compared to the outcome of the fans by cheering the greatest world champion on.
He grins evilly as he taps on his championship belt.
Senor Vinnie: Hold up dead guy, don’t get your hopes up too high in believing that you would be the next step upwards. Yeah the only thing that will go upwards are the corners of my mouth, while thinking of the pathetic attempts to make a try. You were the one that got pinned last time, you were the one that was shown why you are not even CLOSE to be in my league. And if that’s the criteria this federation are using to give losers title shots after being pinned by yours truly?? Then by god, why don’t we just put the entire roster against me and the result will be the fucking same. The only reason that you are having this shot is because of the controversy apparently over an over seized toenail hitting the bottom rope. Well I will make you realize that after this match is over, I will clip you down inch by inch. Thrown all the bones in a body bag and set you on fire.
He grins over the last comment that he just made
Senor Vinnie: Because I need a nice fireplace on the beach after I beat you, to celebrate my victory once again with my mami’s. To enjoy LIFE, where you only satisfy yourself merely by the mentioning of death. So why don’t you choke a chicken and watch the eyes bulge out when it perishes. Because I am the champion of life… while you are a loser.
He grins before patting on his championship belt
Senor Vinnie: I see you in the ring Doombringer, bring your sorry ass and I will bring the ass kicking that you deserve.
With that he walks off smiling
Lesson number one
The shot opens in the living room of Senor Vinnie’s house, he is standing in a spotlight that is shining above his head by a lightbulb flickering. Next to Senor Vinnie is the infamous Michael Buffer, who starts to speak upon Senor Vinnie’s behalf after Senor Vinnie gives him a pat on the shoulder as signal to begin.
There’s no reason to slay someone who claims to be dead, why you may ask yourself?? Well it is quite obvious when someone dies that your body stiffens up and becomes cold. Ergo the reason of the saying that someone is as cold as a stiff.
Why would someone say that about another human being?? It is not very friendly now is it?? Well face facts folks, who cares about being nice these days. Nice guys finish last, well at least they still have a shot of beating a stiff in a hundred meter sprint off…, but before we drift off we go back to the question of why??
Good question, usually it is specified that a person that is called that way is not a warmhearted, kind, sensitive and above all good person. It is quite relevant when we look at the examples that are seen on a daily basis.
Example number one:
Vladimir Poetin:
Now I know what you are thinking, you obviously were expecting someone else who also is in charge. But we were unable to get a decent mug shot of the North Korean President that wouldn’t resemble as a pig. Whereas our beloved Poetin has become a role model of being a person with a vulture e type of mentality. As well as the resembled hairdo that would only make you come to a full term with that thought. But hold on, there’s more!!
Example number two:
Vladimir Poetin’s sister.
Now granted, nobody would have put here on his or hers top five list of most cold and non excentric personalities of the year 2018… or whatever year for that matters. But having to live around a man that has the personification of a mute who has been having a demon haunting his every part of his being even long before he was born… would make you prime subject on any of my lists… and we all know that Senor Vinnie knows his people.
But instead of going on for hours and hours of why Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Elmer Fudd and even the well renown party animal Puff Daddy, P diddy, Diddy, the artist formerly known as smoking diddy or whatever it is that he fancies to call himself…. We will move to the next subject of the list of many who fail to be as warmhearted as Senor Vinnie. As ell as being the prime subject of my verbal and soon to be physical onslaught that has got coming to him.
Example three:
The Doombringer
Suddenly we see Animal from the Muppets appear and use his raw voice to scream out loud
Animal: Duhh duhhh duhhh DUHHHHHHHHHHHH
Clearly a failed attempt to build suspense, hyping up a character that has the personification of a melted ice cube on a street corner in the middle of probably the most boring town ever New Hampshire.
Animal: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
We see three other muppets pulling on a chain to contain the drummer of the legendary tv show/movies that has warmed our hearts for many of decades that almost feels like centuries. But this all ends when the camera shifts towards the man of the hour, the containing excellence of power. The man that has given us a new meaning to the word perfection. And no, we are not talking about the longest reigning Television champion in this organization, because if you want to think a painted freak who is incapable of doing shit when he is in the ring with the real perfect champ, then be my guest.
No we are obviously talking about Senor Vinnie, the man that has not lost since joining this federation last year. Which means he is undefeated in 2017 and 18…, even if the record books proclaim that somehow a pipsqueak coward has caused a victory over him due to outside interference. But that’s not a loss that can be blamed upon the champ, oh no… the one that truly lost were the people. The many of those who spend their well earned money to root him on have fallen upon their knees and still cry to the heavens upon this day. And if you don’t believe us? Then you should check upon the following link: www.westillcrytothisverydayaboutthatloss.com/
Senor Vinnie: That is true, I watch every night before going to sleep
Indeed he does, thus making him the exceptional champion that has shown us simpletons (that means you human beings watching… dumbasses) how far above everyone else he stands in comparison to the rest of the filth of the locker room (except for the Cortez married couple of course.)
Senor Vinnie: Once more, that is so true.
Who can forget his valiant effort of beating every other superstar that entered the elimination match, knowing full well that they would lose to him. Who could forget the moment that he raised his title over his head and had to listen to the singing of many fans
Senor Vinnie: So nice, yet so off key. I was deaf for like three weeks after that.
It all comes down to this match, the world champion facing a man that used to wear this belt somehow. A man that his wrestling ability is not a match for the charisma of the champ, let alone his wrestling skills. The man that we love to adore as champ has to lower his standards for his first title match as apparently the dead have a vote in this world too. All I have to say about that is that it’s a deadly shame.
Senor Vinnie: You are absolutely right dear sir, but I will take it over from here.
Michael Buffer nods his head, putting his microphone to his lips once more to finish it up for him.
Michael Buffer: And now, for the few people in attendance, the millions watching at home…. Let’s get
Senor Vinnie: That’s okay Michael, you may leave now.
Michael Buffer is obviously programmed to do his infamous let’s get ready to rumble. Causing him to sweat bullets as he knows only one ending.
Michael Buffer: Let’s get ready….
Senor Vinnie: STOP IT!!!
Michael Buffer: To…..
Senor Vinnie: I have had enough of this…
Michael Buffer: Rumb….
Before Buffer could finish what he wanted to say he gets knocked out by Vinnie, who holds his hand in pain after knocking him out cold before turning his attention to the camera crew
Senor Vinnie: I get tired of these old relics, thinking that I allow them to catch whatever it is that they believe is a past prime time spotlight or something. Just like the moron that I will be facing this coming show. A man that I pinned at the last show, a man that should have been eliminated or something from the Elimination chamber. A man that will embarrass himself this coming show at my hands once again, that will embarrass himself by not being allowed to enter the PPV called dead or alive. Wasn’t that the final part of the title of a Bon Jovi song??
Trust me Doombringer, you are not wanted… neither alive or dead are you wanted by anyone. I gave you a chance at a dating program, yet the aura of your dark soul is so foul that even the depressed and loneliest of bitches would even try to hook up with you man. Perhaps you should stop using your usual perfume entitled: I know who you buried last summer into, I just crapped my pants after losing to Senor Vinnie once more. Because I’m sure to you that people will notice you. People would remember you for being the fool that got pinned two shows in a row by the realest of real champs.
Something that you are dying to gather isn’t it??
Senor Vinnie suddenly stops talking as he says these words once more and starts to think about what they are meaning
Senor Vinnie: Was it a coincidence that I just happen to use those words towards you? Or is it the mere fact that I am a multi tasked professional and that I can do it all?? Something that you always thought was only possible when someone would put you on fire inside the six feet grave that you dug for yourself right???
He scratches his head and sighs
Senor Vinnie: The last time we faced you mentioned that you would….. Err…, you said… uhmm…. Oh for fuck sakes, who watches any of your promo’s. You are such a deadly bore that even I wouldn’t let my children go anywhere near you.. that is if I had any. I mean seriously, I looked back and you once were a champion. YOU?
Seriously?? Were you alive back then when that happened? Or are you shocked as well about that whole feat that you have mental issues to this very day to grasp that notion???Well after having those unbelievable thoughts that depressed me, I quickly came to a conclusion that made me smile dearly. Because just like your wrestling career and the follow up of every superstar that has held the championship belt after you. That you and the people share a common bond.
He puts on his million dollar smile in front of his camera as he puts the championship belt in the face of the camera crew.
Senor Vinnie: You see, after having you as champion the crowd were presented by the opportunity that they would only look up after every title chance after your mediocre run. That they would come closer by every title change to a breath of fresh air and look forward to the man that would bring them peace and balance in the galaxy.
And you may think to yourself that how the crowd could possibly be compared to YOU in every way?? And I had to think deep, perhaps for a few moments and then I had the answer already inside my brain.
Because stiffs can only look up after being put inside their casket…, granted the outcome of their (cough)future(cough) does not look as bright as that compared to the outcome of the fans by cheering the greatest world champion on.
He grins evilly as he taps on his championship belt.
Senor Vinnie: Hold up dead guy, don’t get your hopes up too high in believing that you would be the next step upwards. Yeah the only thing that will go upwards are the corners of my mouth, while thinking of the pathetic attempts to make a try. You were the one that got pinned last time, you were the one that was shown why you are not even CLOSE to be in my league. And if that’s the criteria this federation are using to give losers title shots after being pinned by yours truly?? Then by god, why don’t we just put the entire roster against me and the result will be the fucking same. The only reason that you are having this shot is because of the controversy apparently over an over seized toenail hitting the bottom rope. Well I will make you realize that after this match is over, I will clip you down inch by inch. Thrown all the bones in a body bag and set you on fire.
He grins over the last comment that he just made
Senor Vinnie: Because I need a nice fireplace on the beach after I beat you, to celebrate my victory once again with my mami’s. To enjoy LIFE, where you only satisfy yourself merely by the mentioning of death. So why don’t you choke a chicken and watch the eyes bulge out when it perishes. Because I am the champion of life… while you are a loser.
He grins before patting on his championship belt
Senor Vinnie: I see you in the ring Doombringer, bring your sorry ass and I will bring the ass kicking that you deserve.
With that he walks off smiling